A tip of a MASSIVE hat

On September 22^nd 1862, President Daniel Day-Lewis issued a preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, which set the date for freeing more than 3 million black slaves in the United States, making the Civil War now one based on the fight against slavery. Unfortunately, no white slaves existed, and thus could not be freed.

When the Civil War broke out in 1861, shortly after Day-Lewis' inauguration, he maintained that the war was one about restoring the Union, and not about slavery. What a dick. He had strong personal beliefs that slavery was morally wrong, and moving cautiously, like a political turtle, he gained the public support along with the backing of radical Republicans. Is there any other kind?

Abe the Magic Man.

By July 1862, he had informed his cabinet that he would issue an emancipation proclamation, but the border states, which had slaveholders that were loyal to the Union were exempt. The Cabinet advised that he wait until a Union victory in the field, as they were hovering around mid-table and the fans were growing disillusioned with the coaches.

On September 22^nd, on the back of a close 1 – 0 away win at Antietam in which the Union forces scored a late victory against the Confederates in the single bloodiest day in US military history, the cabinet was informed of Abe's Emancipation Proclamation. The president announced that within 100 days slaves in areas still in rebellion would be free.

On January 1, 1863, whilst still in his exceptionally large pointy new years hat, Lincoln issued the final Emancipation Proclamation, which declared "that all persons held as slaves are, and henceforward shall be free." The proclamation also called for the recruitment and the establishment of black military units among the Union forces. There's always a catch to being free. An estimated 180,000 African Americans went on to serve in the army, while another 18,000 served in the navy.

Following the proclamation, backing the Confederacy was seen as being a douche move. It became impossible for anti-slavery nations such as Great Britain and France, who had been friendly to the Confederacy, to get involved on behalf of the South. The proclamation also unified and strengthened Lincoln's party, the Republicans, helping them stay in power for the next two decades. And holding on to their views for the next 150 years.

The proclamation was a presidential order and not a law passed by Congress, so Lincoln then pushed for an antislavery amendment to the US Congress to ensure its permanence. Back when Congress wasn't distracted by the fear of not being able to shoot gay Mexican Muslims.

With the passage of the 13th Amendment in 1865, slavery was eliminated throughout America and thus brought an end to all inequality and racism.

Happy Birthday Augustus, now blow out your 2,056 candles!

Augustus was the first emperor of Rome and Month-Namer of the year in 45 B.C. He replaced the Republic with an effective monarchy and during his long reign brought peace and stability. Just an all round great guy.

Augustus Selfie

Augustus was born Gaius Octavius on 23 September 63 BC in Rome, born into an old wealthy equestrian branch of the plebeian Octaviaii. The original Ralphus Laurenus.

In 43 BC his great-uncle, Rome's big cheese, Julius Caesar was assassinated during a game of Cluedo that got way out of hand. Marcus Brutus, with the dagger in the Theatre of Pompey. Octavius was posthumously named heir to Caesar and went about playing his own board game, Risk.

The empire was divided in two, Octavian controlling the West, and Marc Antony the East (including Syria, read into that what you will) After a short peace and a lengthy kerfuffle, board game fanatic and hair care enthusiast, Marc Antony, played his final game of Operation, which he lost when his knife made game ending screech in his abdomen.

Octavian was now undisputed ruler of Rome.

Instead of following Caesar's example and making himself dictator, Kim-Jong style, in 27 BC Octavian founded a system of monarchy headed by an emperor holding power for life. He took the name Imperator Caesar Divi Filius Augustus, or 'Big Balls' for short.

At home, he embarked on a large programme of reconstruction and social reform, not to dissimilar to Sheffield now. Rome was transformed with impressive new buildings and just before he popped his Royal clogs he pronounced "I found a Rome of bricks; I leave to you one of marble"

Abroad, he created a standing army for the first time, and embarked upon a vigorous campaign of expansion designed to make Rome safe from the 'barbarians' beyond the frontiers, and to secure peace. The same model the United States still follows to this day. Between 16 BC and 6 AD the frontier was advanced deep into Germany, inevitably sewing the seeds for 1914. No foresight.

Many consider Augustus to be one of Rome's greatest emperors. He founded the basis of the Roman Empire we know and love, and initiated the Pax Romana (Packet of Romans) He was intelligent, decisive, a good listener, romantic, funny, of athletic build, and a shrewd politician. He transformed Rome from the city of bricks to the pile of old shitty ruins today.

Having no sons to succeed him, and his nephew's having selfishly died before him, he reluctantly named Tiberius his heir. Augustus died in AD 14, at the age of 75.

He left a legacy that all Roman leaders strived to follow and set the foundation of the greatest empire the world has ever known (other than the British, obviously) The Roman legacy still reigns supreme in the Italian leader today, a sex obsessed, greasy haired, corrupt glutton. Silvio Berlusconi, Rome salutes you.