Happy Birthday Augustus, now blow out your 2,056 candles!

Augustus was the first emperor of Rome and Month-Namer of the year in 45 B.C. He replaced the Republic with an effective monarchy and during his long reign brought peace and stability. Just an all round great guy.

Augustus Selfie

Augustus was born Gaius Octavius on 23 September 63 BC in Rome, born into an old wealthy equestrian branch of the plebeian Octaviaii. The original Ralphus Laurenus.

In 43 BC his great-uncle, Rome's big cheese, Julius Caesar was assassinated during a game of Cluedo that got way out of hand. Marcus Brutus, with the dagger in the Theatre of Pompey. Octavius was posthumously named heir to Caesar and went about playing his own board game, Risk.

The empire was divided in two, Octavian controlling the West, and Marc Antony the East (including Syria, read into that what you will) After a short peace and a lengthy kerfuffle, board game fanatic and hair care enthusiast, Marc Antony, played his final game of Operation, which he lost when his knife made game ending screech in his abdomen.

Octavian was now undisputed ruler of Rome.

Instead of following Caesar's example and making himself dictator, Kim-Jong style, in 27 BC Octavian founded a system of monarchy headed by an emperor holding power for life. He took the name Imperator Caesar Divi Filius Augustus, or 'Big Balls' for short.

At home, he embarked on a large programme of reconstruction and social reform, not to dissimilar to Sheffield now. Rome was transformed with impressive new buildings and just before he popped his Royal clogs he pronounced "I found a Rome of bricks; I leave to you one of marble"

Abroad, he created a standing army for the first time, and embarked upon a vigorous campaign of expansion designed to make Rome safe from the 'barbarians' beyond the frontiers, and to secure peace. The same model the United States still follows to this day. Between 16 BC and 6 AD the frontier was advanced deep into Germany, inevitably sewing the seeds for 1914. No foresight.

Many consider Augustus to be one of Rome's greatest emperors. He founded the basis of the Roman Empire we know and love, and initiated the Pax Romana (Packet of Romans) He was intelligent, decisive, a good listener, romantic, funny, of athletic build, and a shrewd politician. He transformed Rome from the city of bricks to the pile of old shitty ruins today.

Having no sons to succeed him, and his nephew's having selfishly died before him, he reluctantly named Tiberius his heir. Augustus died in AD 14, at the age of 75.

He left a legacy that all Roman leaders strived to follow and set the foundation of the greatest empire the world has ever known (other than the British, obviously) The Roman legacy still reigns supreme in the Italian leader today, a sex obsessed, greasy haired, corrupt glutton. Silvio Berlusconi, Rome salutes you.